Anxiety, panic and depression

I would go to the deeps a hundred times to cheer a downcast spirit. It is good for me to have been afflicted, that I might know how to speak a word in season to one that is weary.
Charles Spurgeon


Almost 12 years ago I went through several years of being plagued with panic attacks, and depression. I fought so hard against accepting the fact that I had 'mental illness'. I used far more energy trying to fix myself, than I did sitting at the Lords feet surrendering all to him. Now, I did cry out... all the time... every day! But, I believe it was a time when the Lord was teaching me to be still. To wait for him to move, heal and speak.

At the peak of this season things were so bad. I was fearful to even leave the house. I had come to a point where I even had to quit my job. I used to take baths, sometimes multiple times a day, for an hour or more because it was a space that felt safe. It was during one of my baths while I was reading the bible and crying, begging God to heal me, that I heard him question my heart. Would you go through this in order to help one other person? Instantly my heart said 'YES!'.

Now I was weeping, and begging God to use my dark valley to help others. Even just one other person. I was crying in pain and thanksgiving at the thought that this was my path and it would be used to lift another to the Lord during their hardships.

So here I am telling you, it doesn’t matter what you are going through. God is there. He is beside you. He is listening to you. He loves you. It was at that point of surrender that things began to get easier. The internal battle in my head slowly, over the next few years began to ease. The healing wasn’t over night, but it was steady and the peace that came was far greater than I had experienced ever before.

If it is you that’s seeking comfort in the bath, closet, under the covers or anywhere else, I want to tell you to start surrendering. Start accepting that this is your path and it’s ok. Open yourself to the possibility that God may have a road for you that is not the normal. But you are still being refined. That refining will one day lead you to the chance to hug that person at work who is crying and spilling out the reason why they haven’t been making it to work. When they say ‘I know I sound crazy’, you can tell them in warmth that you too are what some would have called crazy, but you praise the Lord you are fearfully and wonderfully made; a work in progress that our Father sees as absolutely perfect.

If it’s a loved one you know that’s facing this mental and spiritual battle... stand by them in prayer, with a listening ear and unwaivering love. Don’t give up on them! You may think that there are no changes happening as you listen to the same complaints and fears all the time. But know that GOD IS MOVING! That loved one is a wounded soldier of the Lord. You stand firm, protecting them. Hold them and place your shield around you both! God has placed you next to that injured one to help guard them. Stand fast!! Pray for that person daily. Only in heaven will you see the impact you had on helping that person. I pray that God will pour blessings into your life for being there. I know they may not tell you now, so tell you sincerely I will, THANK YOU.